Posted by: babbo | July 14, 2008

The Fear of Losing My Wife

I am a lucky man.

I have a beautiful wife who has stood by me since 1991. Through good and bad, we have always found a way to work out whatever issues have been present in our lives. She is my best friend, and my greatest supporter.

When I met my wife, Kara, she was physically healthy and active. An actor and a swimmer, she was (and still is) pretty damn hot and sexy. Out of a long list of college dudes that courted her hand, she chose me. I’m sure it had something to do with the fact that she saw me in my underwear during a play I was in, but that’s another story. And they say men are pigs…

You may be wondering, “what’s this guy’s point? So what if his wife is hot?”

I’m not writing this to brag. I’m writing about this to share, and ask for help with one of the greatest challenges we’ve ever faced  restoring Kara’s health.

Kara has diabetes. After two pregnancies, what was gestational diabetes had become type 2 diabetes. She’s also having her gallbladder removed in a few weeks. Overall, she feels pretty lousy most of the time.

I’m scared.

There’s an old saying: “what we fear, we create.” Even though I know this, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to let go of my fear of losing her.

So I might as well face it.

As some of you already know, we’re 800 miles away from family and friends. This makes it impossible to get the support we need. We have two small boys that we love, but my wife is worn out when I get home after an 11-hour workday. Exercise is the key in overcoming the diabetes. But exercise is the last thing on Kara’s mind when I walk through the door.

But wait. As I sit here writing, I’m realizing something. I am part of the problem. I’m partially responsible for the dilemma. Why? Because when I get home I want to be with my kids. And although I have every right to do so (after being away from them all day), this puts the pressure on Kara to cook dinner. So how is she to exercise, then?

Holy cow. I’m feeling pretty stupid and selfish right now.

I understand my part in this is limited to support. I can’t do this for her, but then again I’m not supposed to. This is her journey. I’m just the co-pilot. But I do have a say in the outcome and I’m grateful for the insight I just attained. Most of the time I’m so caught up in missing my kids and being exhausted that I don’t see much else.

I never realized until just now that I was NOT actually doing everything possible to help.

Shit. I’m glad it’s not too late. 

I ask and thank the Universe for help.

And remember, you are not alone…

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Responses

  1. I will definitely keep you and your wife in my thoughts and prayers as she gets ready for surgery… I have to say that it is good that you realize how good you have it and if your wife realizes and sees how much you care and love her…. that is what matters most! Hang in there and know we are all here for you if you need us!

  2. Saying a prayer for you right now. It’s great to see how you are willing to put her needs first—way to go!!

  3. I am praying for your wife and your family. It must be difficult to deal with this struggle. Hang in there.

  4. I can’t imagine what you must be going through…You, your wife and your kids will be in my thoughts and prayers. Think positive and stay strong – it will only make you a better person in the end

  5. wishing you and Kara much luck and good medical care. You are lucky to be in the Madison area where you can find experts in every angle of medicine. You’ll both be in my thoughts!

  6. G’day Babbo,

    I’m a type 1 diabetic. It took me years but I have worked it out (in the most part). I’ve helped several friends with type 2 diabetes (with great success). If you are interested you can email me and I will send you a list of resources that I found very helpful. I can also give you some advice/opinions. All the best.

    Reservoir Dad

  7. You are amazing. You figured yourself out and the part that you are playing. I think that your love for her is so strong that nothing can ever take her away from you.

    • @ Angelica: Thank you for your response. It’s funny, when I was younger I blamed everyone else for what was wrong in my life. Now I always look at what my role was in any failure or success. I’m not sure exactly where I learned this, but I’m glad I did. Could just be that I’m older, wiser and balder (lol).

      Peace!

      babbo


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