Comments on: How to Retrain the Reactive Brain (Part 1) http://daddybrain.wordpress.com/2008/08/22/how-to-retrain-the-reactive-brain-part-1/ A look into the thoughts, feelings & struggles of being a modern-day dad. Wed, 30 Dec 2009 04:51:05 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: Troy St Clare http://daddybrain.wordpress.com/2008/08/22/how-to-retrain-the-reactive-brain-part-1/#comment-389 Troy St Clare Sun, 26 Oct 2008 16:35:33 +0000 http://daddybrain.wordpress.com/?p=402#comment-389 Hi As a father of 2 children and a surviour of all my forefathers, i have but a few timeless and unheeded words to say. Whatever you do, no matter how much you do right or wrong. Your child will always blame you and thank you for either your well meaning actions or for the shortcomings they posses. If it is all your fault then you will be blamed at the bottom of many a bottle, or it is only because of my parents I have done so well..... MY STORY IS>>>> I was dragged up in an alcholic abusive sister got raped repeatedly by our step father type family, lots of anger rahhhh. When I was 24ish and my son was 2 ish, something happened like he dropped a spoon, and i started to yell, scream at him like i was screamed at,,,,,,, and when i was screamed at like that i FELT FEAR!!! Him (my son whi had not MY upbringing) looked at me like, DAD, what are you doing???, and my fear was disolved in an instant, Our children are often here to teach us. So, be firm, boundries are important, and children need them, but remember, do NOT yell all the time. Read books with your child all the time, if you cant read, guess what, neither can your child so it something very powerful to learn together. Finally, make sure you tell them you love them, every day. Hi

As a father of 2 children and a surviour of all my forefathers, i have but a few timeless and unheeded words to say.

Whatever you do, no matter how much you do right or wrong. Your child will always blame you and thank you for either your well meaning actions or for the shortcomings they posses.

If it is all your fault then you will be blamed at the bottom of many a bottle, or it is only because of my parents I have done so well…..

MY STORY IS>>>> I was dragged up in an alcholic abusive sister got raped repeatedly by our step father type family, lots of anger rahhhh.

When I was 24ish and my son was 2 ish, something happened like he dropped a spoon, and i started to yell, scream at him like i was screamed at,,,,,,, and when i was screamed at like that i FELT FEAR!!!

Him (my son whi had not MY upbringing) looked at me like, DAD, what are you doing???, and my fear was disolved in an instant,

Our children are often here to teach us.

So, be firm, boundries are important, and children need them, but remember, do NOT yell all the time.

Read books with your child all the time, if you cant read, guess what, neither can your child so it something very powerful to learn together.

Finally, make sure you tell them you love them, every day.

]]> By: Kathy Slattengren http://daddybrain.wordpress.com/2008/08/22/how-to-retrain-the-reactive-brain-part-1/#comment-294 Kathy Slattengren Sun, 24 Aug 2008 04:54:56 +0000 http://daddybrain.wordpress.com/?p=402#comment-294 I think anger and yelling is the natural reaction to misbehavior for many parents. I worked hard to replace anger/yelling with kindness/empathy and firmness/consequences. The kindness/firmness approach is actually more effective than yelling and leaves me feeling much better. I think anger and yelling is the natural reaction to misbehavior for many parents. I worked hard to replace anger/yelling with kindness/empathy and firmness/consequences. The kindness/firmness approach is actually more effective than yelling and leaves me feeling much better.

]]> By: PAPA http://daddybrain.wordpress.com/2008/08/22/how-to-retrain-the-reactive-brain-part-1/#comment-293 PAPA Sat, 23 Aug 2008 21:46:00 +0000 http://daddybrain.wordpress.com/?p=402#comment-293 We're expecting our first in a month or so and, like you, i've set my goal to be patient, patient, patient. if you find something that works, I'd love to hear your advice. i just want to be the best parent/dad I can possibly be. We’re expecting our first in a month or so and, like you, i’ve set my goal to be patient, patient, patient. if you find something that works, I’d love to hear your advice. i just want to be the best parent/dad I can possibly be.

]]> By: Dad of Divas http://daddybrain.wordpress.com/2008/08/22/how-to-retrain-the-reactive-brain-part-1/#comment-292 Dad of Divas Fri, 22 Aug 2008 19:51:16 +0000 http://daddybrain.wordpress.com/?p=402#comment-292 I hear what you are saying...it can be difficult to get your mind back into control once you are on the brink of losing it. I find that I may have to walk away and then come back... but you make some good points and it is good to see that from the negative experiences that you had when you were young, that you now are able to learn and not repeat the same mistakes! I hear what you are saying…it can be difficult to get your mind back into control once you are on the brink of losing it. I find that I may have to walk away and then come back… but you make some good points and it is good to see that from the negative experiences that you had when you were young, that you now are able to learn and not repeat the same mistakes!

]]> By: JL http://daddybrain.wordpress.com/2008/08/22/how-to-retrain-the-reactive-brain-part-1/#comment-287 JL Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:52:48 +0000 http://daddybrain.wordpress.com/?p=402#comment-287 Hi, I've been reading your blog for a bit and this post really hit home. I made the decision when I was young, that I would correct certain behaviors that my father had around me. Still, I find myself losing my temper from time to time. I've found that the best solution is to designate a spot their "time-out" location and put them there when the trouble begins. Keep them there for as many minutes as they are old (4 minutes for a 4 year old). They will scream and cry. Ignore this. They will try to leave the timeout spot initially. Stop this firmly, but gently. With older kids, you might need to "reset the clock" if the kid does something bad in the timeout spot (using bad words, kicking walls, etc). When their time is up, sit down and calmly talk with them about why they were put in timeout and what they should do the next time. Then hug them (to reassure them that you don't hate them for misbehaving) and send them on their way. The timeout spot concept helps to separate you from the situation so that you don't wind up in "fight or flight" mode. It's not a cure-all, but it does help. Hi,

I’ve been reading your blog for a bit and this post really hit home. I made the decision when I was young, that I would correct certain behaviors that my father had around me. Still, I find myself losing my temper from time to time.

I’ve found that the best solution is to designate a spot their “time-out” location and put them there when the trouble begins. Keep them there for as many minutes as they are old (4 minutes for a 4 year old).

They will scream and cry. Ignore this. They will try to leave the timeout spot initially. Stop this firmly, but gently. With older kids, you might need to “reset the clock” if the kid does something bad in the timeout spot (using bad words, kicking walls, etc).

When their time is up, sit down and calmly talk with them about why they were put in timeout and what they should do the next time. Then hug them (to reassure them that you don’t hate them for misbehaving) and send them on their way.

The timeout spot concept helps to separate you from the situation so that you don’t wind up in “fight or flight” mode. It’s not a cure-all, but it does help.

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